Friday, November 6, 2009

Perspective

What I want to be doing.
This pile is still patiently waiting for me.
Sigh.
What I need to be doing.
Assembling kits of plaid squares for the store where I work.
The trouble is, I'm sick of plaid squares.

I have been feeling a little discombobulated lately. I've been attributing some of it to feeling in a state of limbo since our move. No longer belonging in our old house, neighborhood, comfort zone, but not yet totally assimilated in our new home, neighborhood, etc. yet either.

Another aspect is just not being all the way unpacked in our new house - boxes still abound because I need to get an entertainment center and more storage shelves [we left a lot of built-ins behind], but I had to wait until we took care of our old house, but then everyone got sick, and then I had to make Halloween costumes, so I haven't been to the store, blah, blah.

Also our routines have been disrupted. The laundry, toys, sewing mess, etc. just haven't found their comfortable homes and styles yet. All of this is pretty normal for any move, especially with a bunch of kids in tow, but as a result I haven't felt right in myself.

And then there's blogging which I totally enjoy most of the time. I love connecting with people, being inspired by what other people have created and written. And yet, occasionally it frustrates me. Sometimes because my real world is so messy and imperfect compared to all the loveliness there is to behold elsewhere. (Which, if you sometimes feel this way too, you MUST read this inspired post by another Amy. I loved it.) But the main issue I think is that I keep trying to pretend that my life is organized and well-put-together, when it's not. And often I feel like a flake because I don't respond to everyone like I want to, or totally space answering a question someone has asked. And beyond that sometimes I try to put my kids on hold so I can do "this one more thing."

with my friend Sarah and her husband Chris at Wagamama's in Manchester last September

Wednesday afternoon, right after I pushed "publish now" on my last post, I got a phone call that shook me up, and suddenly my perspective changed. I have a wonderful Irish friend named Sarah. We were roommates for 3 months in Liverpool, England 13 years ago and she has been like a sister to me ever since. One of those special people in your life that you don't see for 12 years, but when you do it feels like no time has passed and you just pick-up where you left off, sharing the most personal details of your life. We were able to see Sarah and her new, sweet husband Chris when we visited Manchester a year ago and it was fantastic.

Well, the phone call informed me that Sarah had a massive stroke during the delivery of her first baby last Saturday. I immediately collapsed to my knees and prayed my heart out for my dear friend - because I know prayer works. After hours of brain surgery and a medically induced coma, she is astounding the doctors with her progress. But she still has a long way to go and has not yet been able to even see her baby boy.

As I prayed for my friend Sarah, I suddenly had clarity - a reminder of what matters most. The opportunity I have to be a mother. That if everything in this world was taken from me, the thing I would want most is my children. They need to come first. In my heart they always do, but often my brain and body are preoccupied. They - my family - are the one thing I'm going to take with me to the next life.

So please bear with me if I sometimes come across as flakey - I can only do so much for so many people, and my kids need to know that they are first.

Also I am taking a small break to get our house in order, so that my brain & spirit are in better order. Plus, I get to get away with my husband for a bit. All very good things.

But I'll be back very soon and I can't wait to see you then!

33 comments:

Kasi said...

Thank you for this beautiful post! I feel the same way much of the time. I let all the the other stuff take priority over all the important stuff. I need to change perspective too.

Trisha said...

We all need a break now and then and a chance to step back and prioritize. Take your time, we will be here when you get back. :)

ktquilts said...

Blogging will be here. It is not important, just a little icing on cake. Sounds like you need some meat and potatoes!!! Enjoy the buffet!!!!
Your friend is in my prayers.

Blessings,
KT

Terry said...

Sending good thoughts and prayers for your friend. We recently faced a life altering tragedy in our family and it quickly brought into focus the important things in life. Enjoy your break! :0)

The WoodLand School said...

Thank you for this heartfelt post ... it touched a nerve with some thoughts I have been having lately.

I'm saying prayers for your friend Sarah and her family.

Sherri said...

This is a wonderfully inspiring post...my prayers go out for your dear friend and her family. I think you definitely have your priorities straight and wish you the best as well. I definitely believe blog breaks are as wonderful as the "therapy" that writing them brings. "A wise man once distinguished between 'the noble art of getting things done' and 'a nobler art of leaving things undone.' True 'wisdom in life' consists of 'the elimination of non-essentials.'" (Dieter Uchtdorf quoting Lin Yutang).

Nedra said...

You take all the time you need. My sympathy to you and your dear friend as she recovers.
And you have always seemed very together to me, especially for a young mom. I didn't even start quilting until my oldest went off to college. I remember many a day just being grateful if I got my shoes on.
You are very wise to know that the most important thing is our families.

DeeRoo said...

OK kiddo....just so you know, you don't come across as flaky or anything like that. You come across as a young mom who loves her husband and her kids who just luckily found a new home of their dreams. So what if the house is still unpacked....is your family fed every day? Do they have clean clothes? Do they get hugs and kisses from their parents and are said parents there for each other? I know the answer to all those questions is a big old H*ll Yeah! Well then you have it all!! And consider the unfinished house just a fun WIP...there is no hurry to get it done.

So take some time for yourself, send good vibes out to your friend in England (so sorry this happened to her) go outside and breathe in the fresh Fall air and marvel at your surroundings and know that we'll all be here whenever you come back!

Crafty Mama said...

Well said, beautiful post! Thank you:-)
And prayers for your friend, because you are right, they most certainly work!
Now go relax and unwind for a bit. We'll all still be here when you get back;-)

Amy said...

I will keep your friend in my thoughts. Best to you.

Diane said...

You're friend,Sarah's family will be in my (and my family's prayers)and yours too. Sometimes you just have to "step off the train" for a little bit and take a deep breath. I have to remind myself of that at times. You sound like a very normal mom to me and doing a great job. Take care of yourself and family. Blogland will be here when you return.
PS I'm pretty sure all of us out here are not as near as together as our blogs make it sound. There's no delete/spell check in life....if there is somebody please enlighten me.
Diane :)

Pokey said...

Such sweet sentiments, Amy. We have so very much to be thankful for, and it is easy to lose focus! We'll pray for this new Mommy, and hope you can soon feel settled into your new surroundings.

Kim Walus said...

Definitely take the time you need for you, your husband, your kids, your house and anyone else who needs you. We will still be here when you're ready and I can totally relate to every feeling you expressed in your post. I'm right there with you!!! Lots of hugs coming your way!!!

live a colorful life said...

This was a really amazing post. My prayers are with you, your friend and all those near and dear to her. We have gone through a life-altering event in our life as well, when your world turns topsy-turvy in a matter of seconds. Prayer, and the support of friends, is what got us through.

I am inspired by all you do. Take whatever break you need, get refreshed and inspired. We'll all be here whenever you return.

littlecumulus said...

Wow. Wow. Thank you for the reminder. I am the same way - hold on just a minute, sweetie, mommy's just doing this one more thing.... I hate it when I do that! Best wishes and prayers for your sweet friend and her little family...

The Quilt Buddy said...

Hi Amy!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us! Many of us feel the same way! I am a self proclaimed over-achiever and since I became a mom I have had a difficult time of letting things go. Sometimes it is hard to be real because real isn't so pretty!

I'll be thinking and praying for your friend and her family! Someday she we be the mom that she always wanted to be.

As for you, enjoy your break. We will see you when you get back! No rush, but we will miss you!

angela said...

Oh dear - prayers for your friend Sarah, and the doctors caring for her.

Mauri said...

The blog will still be here Amy. Mothers sure have a lot to put in order don't they? I totally get where you are coming from. The kids are only little for a short time, so make sure they are first. All the blogging Mommies out there understand. Oh, your poor friend Sarah! She'll be in my prayers!

Lynnie said...

I was busy looking at the picture and then it hit me, I know that Sarah! She's the one you quoted On the Way home to!
I shared that story with all of my comps.
It sounds like she's on her way. Thanks for the reminder that prayer really does work.
Love you.

Laura-Lu said...

Amy, I had no idea that this happened. Having met Sarah in Ireland and spending that lunch with her, I feel like I know her probably more than I do but I am truly overcome to hear this. I'm so sorry. We will think of her and keep her and her family in our prayers. Have a safe trip and call me when you get a chance.

Wendy K said...

Just want you to know I'm thinking of you, you're in my heart and prayers as well as your friend and her family. Take care,
Love wendy x

Patty said...

Amy, I will pray for your friend and I hope that it is in God's plan to heal her.
Don't feel alone,very rarely is perfection achievable. So what if your not completely unpacked. From reading your post I know that you put your children first. We all do what we must and sometimes we feel that we short change the people most important to us, but just by feeling that and realizing this we really don't. So don't be so hard on yourself and take time to appreciate your family... hope your friend is doing better.

Mary on Lake Pulaski said...

I understand perfectly Amy. Take care of yourself and your family.

nicolette said...

I will be thinking about your friend Amy!

You’re so right, family comes first. Sometimes we need a reminder. Take care. Enjoy the outing with your husband.

an encourager said...

It's okay to be flaky! I understood exactly what you were saying. There's one blog that I just love, but the other day I wondered just how real her perfect world really was. Like yours, mine is a combo of fun, frenzy, frustrations, and friends, and family. And that's pretty much how I like it! :) Saying a prayer for your friend!

Toni said...

Amy - the exact same thing happened to my husband's cousin in Aug: she had a stroke during delivery of their first daughter. She is still in the hospital, working hard, finally getting time with her daughter who is home with Dad and is also a constant reminder to us what's really important when I too try to get "one more thing done". We also know the power of prayer and not only pray for her full recovery but THANK God for all we have - we've added Sarah to our prayers. I started my blog and have only done two posts as I found myself to be pregnant and now have a 10 week old and 3 year old who need me more than my blog (can't seem to find time for crafting/quilting anyway right now!). I LOVE your ideas and inspiration but couldn't agree more that family come first. We'll all still be here when you have a few moments to share.
Much Love and Prayers to your family and Sarah's
Toni Pagni-Eaton

Alisa said...

Flakey no human yes. We all can relate. I sure hope your friend can continue her recovery and that she'll be holding her precious gift soon. Hang in there.

girlsmama said...

I can honestly say I understand each and every feeling you are having. Prayers for you and your dear friends Sarah.

Amy - Park City Girl said...

Prayers for Sarah, and you getting things sorted out. I understand all that you have written and often have the same struggles - hugs :)

Terresa said...

I wonder if something is in the water. I blogged on a similar topic last night and have since read 2 other bloggers with like minded posts, too.

Our children are growing up and away from us and the time that passes can never be retrieved. I am trying to realize this and still keep my blogging/writing going (it is my one guilty indulgence next to chocolate & Target/H&M/Anthro). I'm trying to find a balance in what I love: family & writing & spirituality.

Sort things out, enjoy yourself and your family, and know we love you quilt squares & all.

Dawn said...

Amy, your post hit a cord, I know your feelings personally! Take care and we'll be here whenever you can :)

brodiefiles said...

I'm sorry to hear about Sarah. My husband started to tell me about her, as he is friends with her husband on Facebook, when I realized it was the same woman. They served their missions in the same mission. It was so sad to hear the latest news about her. I hope her husband and little boy are doing as well as can be expected and will keep her memory close. TIffany

Nanette Merrill and daughters said...

How horribly tragic. We have such a great perspective on death, don't we Amy. But this is so sad. It seems so cruel to rob her family of the rest of her life. I don't understand this part of death much. Or like it. She probably had some weakness in the brain/aneurysm. Or was extremely toxic. So so horrible. I'm sorry. I sometimes wave at all the happy spirits when I drive by the cemetery because I know most of them are way happier where they are. But this is really tragic.