I’ve been doing some good ‘re-setting’ over the past few weeks. The kids are back in school and I’ve got a little more time on my own during the days. I cleaned out my sewing space and it felt so good to have a renewed place to create. Since then I’ve made a mess in there again, working on some new projects, but it’s still much more under control than before. (Relatively speaking…)
I’m doing a little more sewing for fun. One of these new projects is an I-spy baby quilt for some friends. It’s been fun to pull out my collection of novelty prints and pick some favorites. I’m also trying something new and instead of pairing the novelty fabrics with the Essex linen like I’ve done in the past, I’m using the Riley Blake Swiss Dot in black on cream. I love using the Riley Blake Swiss dots – they make a great ‘background neutral’ with some texture. This one is off to the quilters this week.
Last winter I chose Essentials as my one word challenge and I’m happy to stay it’s stuck around. I read Greg McKeown’s book Essentialism and started evaluating my goals and my choices and eliminating the excess. It’s taken until now to really start feeling the effects of saying “no” to more things so that I have time to do the things that I want to do – including more time to exercise, keep my house under control, and spend time with people. It’s so liberating.
Here’s one of my recent escapades. I’ve been doing more hiking with my husband. We send the poor children off to school and head for the hills. This is in a canyon near our home. Good exercise + time with my BFF + enjoying the perfect weather in my favorite month of the year = win, win, win.
I’m also trying to purge. I’ve been going through my fabric pulling stuff for a de-stash sale. (Watch for that someday along with an I-spy charms sale. Hopefully by the end of the month.) At the same time my youngest decided he needed a big-kid quilt. I agreed. And since I need to bust some stash, this felt like the perfect way to do so. He picked the colors and I just kept adding. Planning something very simple – just big squares, but it’ll get the job done for both of us quickly. I already like it. Another win-win.
I’ve decided sewing should be a creative outlet and stress reliever – not an added stress. I love and feel SO lucky that my hobby/passion has become a part-time job for me, but I don’t want it to consume me or become something that I get sick of because it’s no longer fun. I still have goals and plans I’d like to see happen, and part of that is not letting things that don’t matter or distract me from those goals get in the way of things that matter most.
I’m also trying to be more present with the people who actually live with me. For example, one of my kids was diagnosed with ADHD last year. We’re still in the middle of trying to find the best solutions and strategies that work for him, but it’s taking a significant investment of time. My first reaction to the diagnosis was “Oh, that explains so much!” My second reaction was a head slap, “Duh! What took me so long to figure that out?!” I guess I’m also sharing in case anyone out there has any great recommendations for working with ADHD. Some days I feel like we’re making progress and other days I feel like we still have SO far to go. Bless his heart, it’s rough. But I have hope and I know we’ll get where we need to be. Another vital reason to clear my plate at little more.
Finally, in light of the date (September 11), those memories always bring me back to valuing the Essentials, especially those closest to me. It stinks that it sometimes takes tragedy and loss to remind us what really matters most. A good reason to ‘never forget.’
Okay, last thing: I am getting SO excited about Winter Quiltfest in a few months! Registration is open – including the full retreat OR A La Carte classes, meals, and trunk shows if you can’t come to the whole event. So if you want to just roll-in and take a Jen Kingwell class, now’s your chance! Here is the list of classes and other teachers (including yours truly). It’s a great line up!
Happy Weekend!
Dorian
Glad things are coming together for you. It’s nice to be able to organize and set better goals so you are feeling well when sewing, and not so stressed.
I’m sorry you are having to deal with ADHD,i t’s hard on the whole family. One thing I’ve found really helps is what the person eats. An apple every day really helps with some of the symptoms. Eggs are also very good. And stay away from food colorings! It’s hard, and expensive, to eat organic, but the less preservatives and additives the child eats, the better for them.
Good luck on this hard road!
Andrea_R
I was just going to say the same thing – check out the Fiengold diet. It helped my cousins dramatically and we used a modified version for my son. He’s all grown now, still has symptoms, but most of our family is ADD / adhd including me. 🙂
So, diet, and for my son, making sure he he outdoor time. He’d literally run in circles some days.
Amy Smart
Thanks for the input. That’s good to know – we’ve been feeding him eggs for breakfast every day and he takes an apple to eat every morning at school. (His teacher has been so nice about letting him have a snack break in the morning.) Glad we’re doing something helpful!
Kim beidler
Hi Amy, Love your blog and your style! How will you notify about the de-stashing sale? I especially need some I SPY blocks : ) Will it be on your blog or on IG?
Thank you and good luck with your son. I hope you will find helpful advice that works for him.
Amy Smart
I’ll do both – blog and IG. This time I’ll try to give lots of notice ahead of time!
Jackie Berdych
Love your photo outdoors, but I’d be terrified to be standing there. Hate heights.
There is life after ADHD, I have it and so do my children as well as some of their children. The Feingold diet was key in our life as well as behavior modification. There is a podcast Taking Control ADHD by Nikki Kinzer that can be a great resource.
Amy Smart
This is so helpful. Thank you! It’s nice to know that other people make it through. I really need to read more about the Feingold diet. It’s encouraging to hear that it has helped so many people. And thanks for the podcast recommendation. I will totally check that out!
Erika
really love the green coloured fabrics! I should get into quilting but I’m just so busy with school I barely have time 🙁 I make myself time for crochet though, maybe I should try quilting, once I improve on my sewing machine skills! hope you have a great weekend!xx
Erika | Just That DIY
Amy Smart
Finding the balance of crafting being an outlet and stress-reliever vs trying to do too much is a tricky one – especially with school. Good luck!
Judith Blinkenberg
I’m so happy for you! You are making the best decisions you could! Family is the most important and children the future! I think your baby quilt is adorable. Children’s prints are on the bottom for me. I need to get busy on a quilt for my granddaughter. I think those choices for your sons quilt are just great! Taking the time to help your son will be rewarding. My grandson has asthma so she has her challenges especially when he gets sick from school. Thanks for your great blog.
Amy Smart
Thanks Judith!
Bernie
Hi Amy:
First off, that canyon is just gorgeous. What a fun hike and to spend the alone time with your husband must feel like a luxury.
ADHD – we dealt with that with my youngest son. Now that he is nearly 25, he is able to deal with things and it isn’t an issue. As a child and teen, it was difficult. Getting exercise helps and behavior mod helps. We tried the drugs and he didn’t react well with them so that wasn’t a option. Mostly it was a matter of really helping him to break his tasks into small portions and not giving him more than one or two directions at once. He couldn’t handle a “list” of things to do. Procrastination became a problem so helping him to break his assignments down into manageable chunks was necessary. Definitely a parenting challenge but one that I suspect you will handle well.
Take care,
Bernie
Amy Smart
Thanks for the insights, Bernie. This rings so true for my own son! I finally am getting better at breaking down the tasks and it makes such a difference. For years my husband has been saying “He’s like a dog – if he doesn’t get out and get some exercise, he goes stir crazy.” Now I know why that is! Thanks for the insights and encouragement.
Amy
This is exactly how we have had to work with my youngest daughter. Meds have worked well for her for years, but now (she’s 13), they all seem to bother her stomach. I think maybe it’s a puberty thing, who knows. Breaking tasks down into super simple steps is what works best for us. I can’t just ask her to clean her room; I have to ask her to do it one step at a time – pick up your Legos, put the garbage in the can, etc. One thing that has helped, though, is making her a very detailed list. She does well knowing that she can check things off of it. So, on cleaning days, she and I take a look at her room together, decide what needs to be done, and then we write the list together, in super simple, basic steps. We apply the same concept to homework and other tasks, as well.
I finally also got involved in the school and insisted she be placed on a 504 plan. It is much less formal than an IEP; however, it does detail accommodations that she is allowed to use in the classrooms if she needs to. Hers is pretty simple. She is given priority seating up front, near the teacher, and away from distracting students (i.e. her friends or antagonists). She also has a large exercise ball that she can sit on if she really needs to concentrate. The ball keeps the “busy” part of her brain occupied keeping her balanced so she can concentrate on her work. A particular difficulty she has is keeping track of homework, what’s due when, and what has been turned in or not. We’ve been through several different types of planners (including one I made and put inside her binder for her), but we finally settled on one we found on Amazon this year ( https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B013GV3IIA?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00 ). Reagan also suffers from migraines, so we have those accommodations built into her 504, as well.
I do feel like we are very lucky in that ALL of Reagan’s teachers are on board and fully willing to work with us to help her be successful. We also have a very small school (less than 300 students in K-12), which also helps.
Good luck, I’m sure you’ll figure it out and be fine. Our pediatrician told me once that finding the right ADHD help is like fishing – the bait that slays the fish one day is a complete dud the next. It’s about having several solutions that can be alternated between.
Irelle
Hi Amy: Great to know you are taking time for yourself. The view in the mountains is awesome. Good comments about the importance of diet with your son. You might consider removing gluten from you son’s diet. Dr. Tom O’Brien has some great information regarding kids with ADHD and a gluten free diet. His website is TheDr.com. Good luck with all you have going on in your life!
Amy Smart
Thanks for the reference Irelle!
linda
Great post Amy. You are cared about and supported more than you know. 🙂
Amy Smart
Thnank you Linda. That means a lot!
Amanda
Love this post Amy because your feelings hit home with me as well (I’ve really tried to focus on what matters most this year). Also, I REALLY wish I lived closer and could attend Winter Quiltfest!!
Amy Smart
Good for you. That re-focus isn’t easy, but so worth it, right? I wish you lived closer too!
Jessie Fincham
First off: I need that book! So pleased to hear you’re taking time out for yourself too Amy. Your story of your son with ADHD pricked my attention too, although I don’t have a son – or one with ADHD, my husband was diagnosed with Aspergers a few years ago so you’re comment “that explains it!” reminded me of my exact same reaction! Different personality traits of course, but similar in having to think of ‘new ways’ to do things etc. Best of luck with everything. x
Amy Smart
SO true. That diagnosis has helped SO MUCH in just recalibrating my expectations and having more patience with him. I’m grateful for it. Best wishes to you too! And yes, get that book. It’s my new favorite!
Melissa
My oldest was diagnosed with ADD in college, she was 19.. how was that for missing the signs? They manifest differently in girls than in boys, but after we found out we went “oh, that’s why she couldn’t clean her room”… etc….
There is a good book on the subject, it deals a lot with Adult ADD too… it’s called, “So I’m not stupid or lazy”… or something to that effect..
After the diagnosis it helps us to be a little bit more patient with her, knowing that many things are a lot more difficult for her than other kids her age… Plus we’ve realized that ADD has a silver lining, kids with it are usually really creative and great at multi tasking… you know that whole “weaknesses into strengths” thing 🙂
Amy Smart
I didn’t realize that she had that diagnosis. A close friend of mine’s oldest (also girl) was just diagnosed at the end of her senior year. They were so surprised, but it made so much sense. She is at the same university as your daughter – did you know they have a great resource center for students with learning limitations including longer time on tests, private rooms at the Testing Center, etc? Let me know if you want more details. Thanks for the book recommendation. And true – there are some great strengths – this kid is definitely our most entertaining/hilarious/best-dancer. 😉
Debbie
Everyone has had excellent suggestions for resources. I would also add to check out Spark Naturals. They have an essential oil blend called “Jeddy’s Blend” that is specifically for these kinds of issues.
Amy Smart
Awesome! I will look that up!
sew surprising
Its nice when there is that light globe moment, I have a new mantra which I repeat of late, I was feeling so overwhelmed and there was no sewing for me, and then I was stressing over seams matching etc then it hit me the other week, and Ive removed pressure and replaced it with pleasure and gosh it feels good 🙂 do love the greens one of my favourite colours 🙂
Amy Smart
Good for you!! One of my biggest mantras in recent years is “Let go of perfection.” It’s so liberating!
Susan
The “I Spy” quilt is adorable and will be we loved and used, I’m sure. I love the fabrics that you and your son pulled for his quilt.
Both of my children (now adults) suffered from ADHD. I found out that my daughter’s teacher was rewarding her for hurrying through classroom tasks. She would have my daughter take things to the office and other tasks for her. That encouraged her to hurry through her in-class assignments. She woke up one night with a nightmare that she was failing third grade. Her doctor diagnosed her from what I told him and medicated her. It was like day and night. The doctor already knew that I had experienced ADHD in her older brother. He was very, very small for his age until about 17, so we retained him in first grade. I’m not sure that was the best thing for him in hindsight. At the time all the “experts” told us we needed to do that. He was also medicated (Remember this was over 35 years ago). I found it very helpful to make sure I had eye contact with the child when I was speaking to him/her. We also tried diet. There was a definite difference. My son’s kindergarten teacher would send a note home every week saying that it would be so much easier if he could have the same snacks as the other children. NO! Each of my children were activities. My daughter was a cheerleader from 4th grade until graduation. She was on a competition squad that went to national competition, so she got lots of exercise. She was in the gym by 6AM In high school and then again until 8fter school. She played rec soccer for years and played on the school soccer team one year. My son played soccer and didn’t give it his all yet it helped with the exercise. He became interested in Boy Scouts and that was a good outlet for him. He even earned his Eagle Scout. In addition to diet and exercise, I found that talking to the children (at any age) about the dis-ease was helpful. I explained why we did certain things differently than some of their friends family. My son is 38 and still has the ADHD tendencies. He has learned to adapt to them over the years for the most part. He has a friend the same age who doesn’t try to control his impulses. My son finds that very frustrating. God Bless You and Your Family on this journey.
Amy Smart
Thank you so much for sharing your family’s experiences. It’s been so helpful to know there are options and strategies that make a difference. And that kids get through it and are still successful. Blessings to you and your family too.
Ginger witzlib
I’ve just starting following your blog in the last year. Love what you do and I can relate so easily. Your green fabric pull looks wonderful. Such happy colors. We also just diagnosed our son with ADHD this past summer. Of course it was just as he was getting kicked out of summer day camp for his anger issues. We have gone the medicine route without the side effects so far. Always concerned about his weight since he was born a micro preemie. We also had to change his environment. Moved him to a smaller, more structured environment and one that made sure he wasn’t sitting idle for too long. Now it’s the beginning of a new school year. I’m nervous for him because it has been a struggle socially in the past but so far so good. Best of luck to you and your family. The light at the end of the tunnel is shinning brightly.
Amy Smart
Thanks so much for your sweet comment. I’m glad to hear the medicine is helping. We’re still working on that part and will probably try it at some point if only to see how it affects him. We can relate to the social issues – it’s been rough for years, but this is the first year we’re starting to see progress there and it lifts my heart SO much. Bless you in your journey! I agree, there is bright hope ahead!
Brianna Robertson
The book on essentialism sounds great. I’m been trying to use up my stash as well, and starting to re-think projects. I get so many ideas and just want to make them all, but then stress myself out trying to finish them. I finally understand one reason people make minis! I have more than enough quilts for the beds and couches anyway, so I’m trying to be okay with the idea of just making a block, or a random sized mini, even if it doesn’t have a purpose. Saves me some money not making a big quilt and I get to see my idea through properly, on a smaller scale, instead of feeling rushed.
Amy Smart
I have had the exact same experience with small quilts! Get’s them “out of my system” without having to invest time or fabric in a big project!
Pam Tocornal
What is an I SPY block?
Amy Smart
It’s a patchwork square with a novelty print of some kind. So the bigger the variety of novelty prints and you can play an I-spy game with the quilt. 🙂
tammie
I really like your web page. Hope things work out well with your son! Your sewing machine looks so small. What kind is it? Also, I look forward to your destash sale. 🙂
Amy Smart
It’s an old Bernina Sport 801. I adore that machine!
Kathleen
It’s so nice that you are able to enjoy hiking and that’s an awesome picture, but . . . the mother in me does not really like where your standing! Are you really so very close to the edge of a platform as you appear to be?!!
Amy Smart
Don’t worry – the picture is deceiving. 🙂 As the child of a super heights-fearing mother, and as I’ve grown that way myself now, I can solemnly promise you that I was very safe. 🙂
Allison
Thanks for sharing so much in this lovely post. It is good to step back and make sure of priorities and check we are not doing so much it stops being satisfying or comes between us and family. I really find tidying my sewing space a refreshing experience and it helps me to think through what to do next – so much more inviting than unsorted muddle on every inch of surface!
Amy Smart
Yes! I’m trying to get better at cleaning my space before I start the next project!
tisha @ quiltytherapy
Your last couple of paragraphs really resonate with me recently. Quilting and sewing SHOULD be fun and not added stress. I find I create so much better without the added stress. My business partner and I recently decided to close down our side business since we handmake everything. Time was really a challenge and this momma was tired of feeling like she always had to make. Now I get to come back and create the LONG list of things I have on my possible to-make list. I say possible because I don’t want to pressure myself.
Amy Smart
Good for you. I completely relate!
amy deason
Enjoyed reading your post. Life is a juggle. I ‘m an empty nester now but do remember those days. I also had a child with ADHD. I would have to sit beside him most of the evening to keep him on track to get homework done. His mind would drift off and he wouldn’t even realize it. Long nights, let me tell ya. DON’T miss those days. Hang in there! They grow up to be very successful. Always love reading your blog. Do wish I could make it to Utah for retreat. Living in KY makes it a little far.
Amy Smart
Oh yes. I know those long homework nights so well. Usually Math is the roughest part. There have been many times when we’ve both ended in tears. I feel SO lucky because this year my son’s teacher has a half hour after-school math time where kids can come and get extra help on that day’s assignment and for some reason (hallelujah!) my son loves to go. He also get’s his math homework done while he’s there. And he told me, “no offense mom, but my teacher is better at explaining math than you.” Well that’s fine with me. I am totally making this woman a quilt!
Rebecca grace
Hi, Amy. First off, I love I Spy quilts for little ones and yours is adorable. Did you use a different novelty fabric for every charm square?
I have two sons with ADHD and I can tell you that it is a difficult road ahead of you. There will be many well-meaning parents and teachers who think (because they saw some ding-a-ling celebrity say so on TV) that there is no such thing as ADHD and that if you would just follow THEIR parenting advice, your kid would be just like everyone else… One thing I can tell you is that medications for ADHD can help with impulsivity, lack of focus, and the constant racing around and climbing that characterizes many kids with ADHD — but medication does absolutely nothing to help with impaired working memory, slower processing speed, and executive functioning deficits (planning, organization, task management, time management) that can lead to academic failure for kids with ADHD. And it’s frustrating when people accuse you of “helicopter parenting” even though you know (and all the experts confirm) that your child really NEEDS that additional scaffolding and support in order to have a chance to be successful.
I don’t know how old your son is, but now that you have a diagnosis I would recommend asking his school to do an evaluation for either 504 accommodations or an IEP, depending on how severely his ADHD is impacting him at school. Don’t listen to anyone who says that you don’t want to “label” your child. Kids with ADHD will get labeled anyway and it is better to be labeled as someone who is working to overcome the challenges of ADHD than to be labeled as lazy, sloppy, etc. Whether you and your child’s doctor decide to try medication or not, an ADHD diagnosis legally entitles your child to reasonable accommodations that “level the playing field” relative to non-disabled peers. That can be anything from preferred seating (near teacher, away from distractions) to additional time for tests, help with keeping track of assignments and organizing notebooks, graphic organizers to help him get his thoughts in order for writing essays, etc.
If you ever have any questions, or feel like tearing your hair out and just need to talk to someone else who has been through the jungle of ADHD parenting, please feel free to reach out to me any time. And you’re right — knowing what you’re dealing with means that you finally understand why the advice from other parents just didn’t work with your kid. It’s a huge relief — and it sets you on the right path to figuring out what you can do to help your son. Best wishes to you and your family and God bless!
Amy Smart
Rebecca, thank you SO MUCH for your sweet comment. It is so helpful (and encouraging) to hear from someone else who knows what you’re dealing with. Just last week I sat down with the principal to get the ball rolling on an IEP/504 plan. I’m so grateful we have one more year of elementary school to try and get things figured out before we head off to Jr. High. Yikes. The thought terrifies me already. But I’m so glad to find more help and resources as well as friends who know what this is like. And that yes, I’m not crazy. 🙂 Thank you!! I’d love to keep in touch on this.
Bethany Thomas
Hey –
I always love the chance to drool over pretty fabrics!
My daughter also has ADD/ADHD – she is medicated, but one of the biggest things that has helped her is having a “fidget”. We have experimented and found what works best for her. We talk about it with her teacher at the beginning of the year and it is a small item that she is allowed to have at her desk that gives her something to SILENTLY fidget with. She knows the rules – it’s only for her, no making noise with it, and if it goes flying across the room, she’s in big trouble. Currently she has a bendy piece of rubber at her desk, a bracelet with bumps on it for times shes not at her desk, and a smooth stone she likes to rub while she’s reading her book. We have found it helps a lot with giving an outlet for some of the extra nervous energy she often has and curbs some of her other habits such as nail picking/biting, etc. There are lots of tools out there, I think we all just have to play around and figure out what works best for our kids – good luck with everything!
Amy Smart
This is a great idea. I remember one of our counselors recommending this, but we never did it. We’re going to find something today!
michelle
IEP’s are the best things! Remember that you are part of that process and can add/change any part of that at anytime. What works today may not work tomorrow. Structure and organization are very important. My son hates change, rearranging furniture frustrates him to no end! Routines are key. Making sure that your son gets lots of physical activity, it will help him burn off a lot of that frustration. I had a grown man tell me when my son was little that football saved him, he said he stayed so frustrated and even angry at times with his situation that he needed an outlet and football gave him that without him getting into trouble! Good luck to you and your family, it is a learning process for sure, trust your own momma instincts God gave you.